


Greyscale

by innersanctuaries



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Angst with a Happy Ending, But also, Heavy Angst, M/M, PICK YOUR POISON, Two Endings, that one au where you see color once you meet your soulmate
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-10
Updated: 2019-07-09
Packaged: 2020-06-25 15:19:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 12,969
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19748413
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/innersanctuaries/pseuds/innersanctuaries
Summary: Gabriel had never known a day without color, and he’d never really known why. The thought never crossed his mind, for starbursts and blots and blurs of color were such a normal thing. It was one of those things where you realize how blind you’ve been once you look back in time, but not a minute sooner.





	1. Colored Markers

**Author's Note:**

> Me? Finishing a fuckload of fics I've been working on for over a year out of nowhere? More likely than you think!
> 
> Really though, holy shit. This isn't that long, but it was an absolute monster for me. It's gonna be a bit weird in that it has two endings. There's the good end, and the original ending I planned for this. It's in chapters and they'll be labeled, so you'll be able to choose which one you want to read! There will be similarities between the two near the end of the chapters, but like, it's still really different. 
> 
> This bitch has been a thing since January 29th, 2018, and now it's finally a full thing that I am so damn proud of. 
> 
> Anyway, I really hope you guys enjoy this one, it's kind of my baby! The song inspo is on this little playlist below!
> 
> https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLvy9r_DIfedDffzcfncNFX_Miy6ZHs2q0

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gabriel had never known a day without color, and he’d never really known why. The thought never crossed his mind, for starbursts and blots and blurs of color were such a normal thing. It was one of those things where you realize how blind you’ve been once you look back in time, but not a minute sooner.

Gabriel had never known a day without color, and he’d never really known why. The thought never crossed his mind, for starbursts and blots and blurs of color were such a normal thing. It was one of those things where you realize how blind you’ve been once you look back in time, but not a minute sooner. 

He and Sam had known each other for as long as he could remember. It had always been Sam and Gabriel, with nobody else in between. Gabriel’s first truly important memory was of them two playing in the green turtle sandbox in his backyard, both of them trying to figure out how to make a sandcastle out of completely dry sand. That wasn’t the important part, though. The most vivid thing was Sam’s eyes, the brightest he’d ever seen and ever would see. 

Gabriel thought he’d never find the words to describe them properly, and he was completely right. Sometimes they were a forest, quiet and calm and oh so green, sun filtering through the pine trees. Others, they were precious gems, blue topaz and turquoise and sapphire all at once. His favorite was when they were the moments you woke up far too early and looked out the window, the unique blue-grey light of the gloaming floating into the room. 

As children, neither of them realized something was different. Colors were natural, they were always there. The day Gabriel found out that they were something special was the day his world became that much more confusing. He was only saying that blue was most definitely not the color of his eyes, but that had been enough for the teacher to notice.

“Did you say your eyes aren’t blue, sweetie?”

“Yeah, they’re brown. Sammy says they’re gold, but there isn’t a gold marker.”

“Who’s Sammy, sweetie?”

“My best friend.”

“Can you tell me more about him, sweetie?”

“You’re annoying. Stop calling me sweetie.”

His irritation landed him in detention, and the color business got him a concerned call home. Of course, home meant Sam’s house. John and Mary had practically adopted Gabriel and his little brother, Castiel. So much so that their actual parents had just handed the two of them off to the Winchesters.

That had been the day where he learned what a soulmate was. It was a foreign concept, that he’d already met his soulmate at only six years old. In hindsight, it should have been glaringly obvious, but Gabriel had absolutely no idea who it was. He’d asked Mary, but she’d only given him a fond smile and told him that he had to figure that out on his own.

Sam was the very first person he went to tell. A four year old usually wouldn’t understand a single word of it, but Sam tried, and he caught about fifty percent of it. He and Gabriel talked about it for hours, all until Sam started drifting off. As usual, Gabriel poked him awake and dragged him into what had become their shared bed. 

“What book d’you wanna read today, Sammy?”

“Mmph.” 

“Cat In The Hat sounds good to me too!” Gabriel exclaimed, reaching for their worn copy. The blue-red-black-white cover never failed to make him smile.

Later on, Mary walked into the room with her camera to snap a photo of them in that moment. Gabriel fast asleep with the open book on his lap and an arm draped over Sam, who was curled up next to him. She framed the picture and put it in the living room, and while they both endlessly complained about it, they secretly loved it. 

The more time passed, the more frustrated Gabriel got. No matter what he did, he couldn’t figure out who his soulmate could have been. 

“I mean, Sam can see color too, right?”

“Charlie, that’s ridiculous. He could see color before he met me.”

“Dude, you met him before you could even retain a memory in the brain I’m not sure you have! It could totally be him.”

“Look, it’s not him.”

“Tell me why not. You guys are practically married as it is, so why not?”

“It just- It isn’t! Sam’s different, the ‘universe’ or whatever does this shit wouldn’t pair him with me.”

“Let me ask you again. Why the hell wouldn’t it pair him with you?”

“Because I’m definitely not good enough for that.”

“You’re kidding me.”

“Uh, no?”

“Seriously, Gabe? You’re going to possibly fuck up things with your maybe-soulmate because you don’t think you’re good enough for him?”

“Shut up, it’s not like that.”

“It’s exactly like that! You do realize that by doing this, you’re also messing with him, right?”

“Drop it, Charlie.”

“Come on, don’t be like-”

“I said drop it. Anyway, how’d you like last night’s episode of Game Of Thrones?”

High school sucked, all the way up until it didn’t. School definitely stopped sucking after Sam started his freshman year and ended up in his chemistry class. By pulling a few strings  _ (and a few pranks) _ , he managed to get himself a spot next to Sam  _ and  _ make sure they were lab partners. 

“Now, take the light grey test tube and pour it into the beaker,” Sam read from the instruction sheet.

“Sam, which one is the light grey test tube?”

“I have absolutely no idea.”

“You’re the smart one, you should know!”

“Well  _ excuse  _ me for only being able to see in color!”

“So what you’re telling me is that we have four different test tubes, some of which are definitely not meant to mix with what’s in the beaker, and we have no idea which one to pour in?”

“Yep.”

“Is there a possibility of blowing everyone the fuck up?”

“...Yep. Just put in whichever one you think would be light grey.”

“Alright, here goes.”

They weren’t allowed back in the lab for the next month after blowing a hole in one of the lab tables. 

To be fair, they had no idea which one was which, and the teacher couldn’t see color. It had been a no-win situation. On top of it all, they had landed themselves in the hospital. Sam had a few pieces of glass wedged in his arm, while Gabriel had been thrown back into a drawer, smashing his head on the corner. His head had a lovely gash in it, and everyone was fussing over the possibility of a concussion. 

Later on, Sam approached him and sat on the hospital bed. He examined Gabriel’s head, gently running his hands through Gabriel’s mussed up and still-bloody hair. Gabriel would have told anyone else to fuck off, but it was Sam. So he tried to keep his smile to himself and tried not to think too hard about why his heart was holding a tap dance recital in his chest. Sighing, Sam gave him a sheepish look, the one that told him he’d done something stupid.

“Gabriel, I feel like an idiot.”

“Why?”

“We could have taken a picture of the test tubes and greyscaled it.”

“You couldn’t have thought of that  _ before _ we almost leveled the classroom?”

“Oh, shut up.”

All in all, high school went great. Everything was different, but some things always stayed the same. They’d tried everything they could, but they couldn’t get used to sleeping in separate beds. Gabriel knew he always slept best next to Sam, and while some nights they were somehow able to sleep without each other, they always ended up in the same place. 

Sometimes, when Sam was having a bad day, Gabriel would pull out their old copy of The Cat In The Hat and read it until they both fell asleep. It’d always end up being a replica of the photo hanging in the living room; Gabriel fast asleep with the open book on his lap and an arm draped over Sam, who was curled up next to him.

Some things did change. Sam got tall,  _ really  _ tall. As in, he and Sam were able to do a Rocket and Groot costume for halloween one year. It didn’t take much guesswork to figure out who dressed up as who.

“Why are you so tall? It’s not fair, I’m older!”

“It’s because of all the coffee you drink, duh.”

“You drink  _ way _ more coffee than I do, you ass.”

“Apparently it has the opposite effect on me!”

Comment about sam saying gabe is a kid and him getting candy because hes short.

The biggest change was Sam leaving for college. Neither of them remembered a time where they hadn’t been with each other, but suddenly Gabriel was waving goodbye to Sam at an airport terminal. He tried not to cry, and Sam was glad Gabriel was too far away to see the tears in his own eyes. 

“Try not to forget me, okay?”

“I couldn’t even if I tried.”

Sam pulled Gabriel into a hug, squeezing him tight. 

“I’ll see you later, Gabe.”

“I’ll come visit, Sammy!” Gabriel yelled as Sam disappeared from sight. He wasn’t sure if Sam had heard him. 

As he sat in the parking lot and watched Sam’s plane take off, Gabriel could have sworn some of the color drained from his world. 

With Sam gone, Gabriel desperately searched for new things that made his world glow. He looked for it in people, but nobody saw the color in him the way Sam did. Gabriel wanted them to, he wanted someone to come to know the beauty of the world because of him, but it never happened. His sky became less and less blue with each day that passed.

__________

“My colors are weird, Gabe.”

“Yours too?”

He’d gone to pay Sam a chilly winter visit at school, and the surprised smile on his face brightened everything around them. 

They sat in a quaint little coffee shop not too far away from the main campus. Gabriel caught himself staring at Sam more than once, his expression peaceful as he breathed in the steam swirling up from his nearly black coffee, the way he wrinkled his nose and stuck his tongue out in disgust when he took a huge sip of Gabriel’s too-sweet drink. 

“Ugh, you know I hate caramel.”

“That’s exactly why I ordered it. Now you won’t drink it all!”

“No, you ordered it because you’re hell-bent on going into diabetic shock before you hit thirty.”

“Did not! I don’t even care much for sugar anymore.”

“Oh yeah?” Sam smirked and quirked a brow, pushing his coffee over to Gabriel. “Have some of this, then. You’ll love it.”

“That’s black coffee.”

“Sure is.”

Scowling, Gabriel snatched the cup up and took a huge swig. He lasted about five seconds before slamming it back down and running to the nearest trash can to spit it out. 

“You suck,” Gabriel huffed, flipping Sam off when he laughed. 

Both of them hated saying goodbye. 

“Do you have to go back?”

“Unfortunately, I have a shitty desk job waiting for me tomorrow,” He sighed, falling into Sam’s arms. Gabriel buried his face in Sam’s warm jacket, drinking in the smell that was just so  _ Sam _ .

“Hey, let’s take a picture!” 

Sam whipped out his phone, barely giving Gabriel enough time to lift his head and smile. 

“You took it too quickly, take another one!”

They took at least twenty. Gabriel punched Sam in the arm until he sent him the pictures, and he changed his wallpaper to his favorite one the second he received them. 

Sam walked him back to his car. When they got there, Sam gasped softly.

“What’s wrong, Sammy?”

“Look,” Getting down on his knees, he pointed at a puffy white dandelion growing in a crack in the asphalt. “It’s perfect to make a wish.”

“Well, you found it. You get to make the wish.”

“I don’t want to pick it, come down here with me so we can both see it.”

“You’re lying down on the floor.”

“Yep.”

“But it’s dirty.”

“Sure is.”

“Ugh, fine,” Gabriel groaned, lowering himself down until he was lying on his belly next to Sam. “This good?”

“Perfect,” Sam grinned at him and Gabriel thought that the sun shone just a little brighter. “Now, what do I wish for?”

“I don’t know, you have to pick that one on your own.”

Sam went silent, thinking hard. He couldn’t help but notice the way the sun shone, the rays making Sam look absolutely radiant. Quietly, Gabriel snuck his phone out of his pocket and opened his camera app. 

Without warning, Sam took a breath and softly blew on the dandelion. Gabriel snapped a photo, Sam’s eyes closed peacefully and sun caressing his cheeks, the fluffy seeds of the dandelion floating off into the distance. Gabriel captured a wish on camera, and it made his world glow.

“What’d you wish for?”

Grinning, Sam winked at him playfully. “Sorry, can’t tell you. It’s in the rules.”

He and Sam hugged one last time before he got into the car and drove away, watching Sam’s figure get smaller and smaller in his rearview mirror. Back at home, Gabriel lay in bed and stared at his new wallpaper for hours.

It was his new favorite picture. In it, he’d been caught looking at the camera mid-laugh, one hand still bunched in Sam’s jacket. He looked like he’d been taken by surprise, but so happy. Sam, on the other hand, took his breath away. He’d been caught laughing as well, an icy puff of his breath showing just that. The sun hit his eyes perfectly, a million dazzling colors forever immortalized. 

Gabriel fell asleep staring and woke to a dead phone battery.

He never thought that a dandelion would change his life. Gabriel caught himself staring at the photo he’d taken of Sam on more than one occasion. At work, at home, when he was getting coffee, buying groceries, the list went on and on. Whenever the color in his world started fading, he’d look at it and everything went back to normal.

It wasn’t just that, either. Everywhere around him, he started seeing things that made his world glow. He found himself pulling his phone out and taking pictures of the smallest things far more often than he ever would have expected. Gabriel stopped caring what he had to do to get the shots, sometimes having to contort himself into the strangest positions or dangle off the edge of a bridge. 

Sam was the first and only person that got to see them. He was always the first person they went to, and he always responded excitedly. Not two months later, he found a package on his doorstep. Gabriel tore into it, eyes widening in disbelief once it was open. His phone was out and calling Sam in a flash. 

“I have to send this back to you.”

“Hello to you too,” Sam said sleepily. It occurred to him that he’d been checking his mail at two in the morning and may have woken Sam up. “I’m guessing you got my gift?”

“Sam, this is an expensive-ass camera. I can’t take this.”

“It sucks that the place I bought it has a no-return policy.”

“Please tell me you’re joking.”

“Nope. I really can’t return it, so you have to keep it.”

“I’ve been looking at this camera online, it’s hundreds of dollars. Not to mention the goddamn lenses.”

“I know you’ve been looking at it, we share an amazon account. It’s on your wishlist,” There was a rustling on the phone, followed by the distinct click of the switch to Sam’s purple lava lamp. “Look, you’re an amazing photographer. You light up when you talk about your photography. You’re passionate about it and deserve better than a shitty phone camera.”

“But-”

“But nothing. You’re talented, and now you get to develop it even more.”

Running his hand through his hair, Gabriel sighed. “Thank you, Sammy. You’re too good to me.”

“You have to promise me one thing, though.”

“What?”

“Keep sending them to me! They make my day. The way you take them gets the colors just right, it always makes me happy.”

“Trust me, I’m gonna send you so many that you  _ beg _ me to stop blowing up your messages.”

“Not possible,” Sam yawned. “Tell me about the camera?”

Sam listened to Gabriel go on and on about it until he fell asleep. Gabriel went on and on about it until he fell asleep. They both woke to a dead phone battery.

It was a year before Gabriel visited Sam again. They met up at the same coffee shop and ordered the exact same thing they had the last time they’d gone there. 

“Caramel again?”

“Sure is!”

“I can’t believe you have such bad taste when it comes to sugar.” 

“Hey, I resent that!” He rolled his eyes, taking a sip of his own drink. “Black coffee again?”

“Sure is.”

“You know, for someone so sweet, you really do like bitter things a lot.”

“I do,” Sam grinned at him. “But I like you, and you’re pretty sweet. I think that balances it all out.”

“That was terrible, please never use that line again.”

Despite what he said, Gabriel was still left smiling, a light blush on his cheeks. 

They talked for hours, just like old times. It made Gabriel’s chest ache a little, knowing that soon he would be going back to a lonely apartment in Nevada. Hopefully that wouldn’t be the case for much longer. He and Sam walked next to each other on their way out, content to be there.

“So, I have some news.”

“Good or bad?” Sam cracked the knuckles on his right hand, a nervous habit he’d never quite been able to break.

“Depends,” He swatted Sam’s hand before he could do it again. “How would you feel about me moving out here?”

“Seriously?” 

“I got a job at a newspaper down here and I have to be in the area in order to take pictures, so…”

Sam laughed and swept him up in a warm embrace. “When are you moving? Please tell me it’s soon.”

“As soon as I get a place, I’m here.”

“Alright, I’ll go get some food for the road and we can go get your shit.”

“Wait, what?”

“You said as soon as you got a place, right?”

“Yes, I did,” Gabriel jogged to catch up with Sam, who was walking with a goddamn purpose. “What does that have to do with you power walking down the street?”

“I was going to tell you, but my roommate is moving out on Friday,” He stopped, ignoring Gabriel’s yelp when Sam picked him up and started sprinting. “So now you have a place, and I have a new roommate!” 

“Seriously? You want  _ me  _ to live with you?”

“Stop asking stupid questions and get in the car.”

“I thought we were getting food?”

“Changed my mind,” Gabriel grunted as Sam tossed him in the car and shrugged. “Getting you moved in here is way more important!”

The road trip was one to remember, full of more junk food he’d ever eaten before and more bad jokes than they’d ever made before. He sat with his feet up on the dash, closing his eyes and smiling at the wind whipping through his hair. 

“You know that if we crashed right now, your legs would get crushed and break in a way that would basically shoot bone arrows through your throat, right?” Sam glanced over at him, concern clear in his voice. 

“Then you better make sure to not crash!”

Sam rolled his eyes, but Gabriel put on their favorite song and suddenly they were singing at the top of their lungs. By the time they’d arrived at the rest stop, their voices were hoarse, but their hearts were soaring.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you guys enjoyed it! Please comment feedback, it helps keep me motivated and helps me know what you guys do and don't like!
> 
> Follow me on Instagram at @archangelica_angelica or on tumblr at innersanctuaries if you want to get in touch or just to watch me shitpost!


	2. The Spectrum

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gabriel was moved in by the end of the week. Actually, he was moved in before that. It was an unfortunate situation for both him and Sam’s roommate, Kevin. The apartment wasn’t really made for three people, but Sam refused to let him stay in a cheap motel.

Gabriel was moved in by the end of the week. Actually, he was moved in before that. It was an unfortunate situation for both him and Sam’s roommate, Kevin. The apartment wasn’t really made for three people, but Sam refused to let him stay in a cheap motel.

“It’s not like I haven’t done it before!”

“That was when you were travelling alone! I’m not letting you do that when I live right here.”

“I’d be making a cramped space even more cramped, Sammy.”

Kevin muted the TV and sighed loudly. “Dude, I’m leaving by Friday. Either you take the couch or Sam’s never going to shut up about it.”

It was obvious in his face that he’d known Sam long enough to be certain of that fact. Giving Sam a sideways glance, he cursed those puppy eyes that could bring an army to its knees. “Fine, okay. I’ll stay.”

The smile that spread across Sam’s face made him wonder why he hadn’t given in sooner. Getting scooped up into a massive bear hug made something he might call love spread through him, his colors becoming warm and clear. 

_ Love _

When he pulled away, he stared at Sam differently than he had a minute ago. Kevin made a joke and Sam’s eyes went bright and crinkled the way they always did, light and happiness in its purest form standing before him. Gabriel felt something he might call love.

At night, he fiddled with his camera, sprawled out on the thin sheet he’d draped over the couch he temporarily called a bed. The moonlight filtered through the window nicely, he thought. 

“Hey, you’re still awake?”

He lifted his head to find Sam turning on the faucet, filling a glass of probably warm water and downing it in one go. Gabriel wrinkled his nose at the thought. Sam had always liked warm tap water, but he’d never seen the appeal. 

“Yeah, I’m just getting used to the place,” Snapping a picture, he frowned when the lighting didn’t capture the moon properly. “Do me a favor, could you turn off the kitchen light?”

Flicking it off, Sam padded over to sit next to him. Gabriel instinctively lifted his legs and put them back down on Sam’s lap once his familiar weight made the couch dip. 

_ Click.  _

__ Looking down at the camera again, he turned it to show Sam. A look of wonder and amazement bloomed on Sam’s face, the same one that made Gabriel see colors more clearly each time. “I love it so much. You got the moon just right.”

“I was trying to go for that. I’m glad it came through!”

They sat in the dark at midnight, Sam sipping his gross water and Gabriel taking photos of him. He shivered and yawned, suddenly very aware that he was tired but had forgotten to get an actual blanket.

“You hate sleeping on the couch,” Sam noted.

“Yours is really comfy.”

“Kevin sat down on it too quickly once and bruised his tailbone.”

Sam took the camera out of his hands and put it back in its case perfectly, then picked Gabriel up like he weighed nothing. He was so tired that he couldn’t find it in himself to protest. It felt like seconds, but he ended up curled up next to Sam under fuzzy blankets he recognized from home. 

“I don’t want to bother you,” He mumbled, eyes drooping.

“I’m cold and you’re warm, you’d be doing me a favor,” That was a lie and they both knew it. Gabriel’s hands and feet were freezing, and the rest of him wasn’t much better. It was Sam that radiated warmth. “Just go to sleep, Gabe.”

“M’kay. Night, Sammy.”

He was asleep before he could hear a response or feel the kiss pressed to the top of his head. 

Kevin stayed with them a week longer than any of them had expected, leading to Sam and Gabriel sharing their bed for, well, another week. Nobody complained. Hell, nobody even acknowledged it. 

When Kevin did leave, he expected to move into the other room. On the day they went to move him into it, they both stood in the doorway, not sure of what to do.

“This could make a nice studio, don’t you think?”

“It does have a good amount of space. Half could be an office, the other half could be my photography stuff.”

“Definitely,” Sam nodded with way too much enthusiasm. “It’d be to make the most of the space.”

“Oh, yeah. I mean, it gets cold in the winter. Body heat is less expensive than turning the heat up.”

“Yep. That’s it.”

They stood in the doorway for a while longer. 

“Alright!” Gabriel exclaimed, clearing his throat when his voice cracked. “Let’s make this a studio!”

They did make it a studio, and they somehow had very few sleepless nights. 

When school started back up for Sam, Gabriel tried his best to help him out. Before, Sam would come home from a bad day and sit stewing in his own black and disgusting thoughts. He would wait until that familiar  _ ding! _ would ring out, snapping him out of it and reminding him that Gabriel was there for him. Now, he would come home from a bad day and Gabriel made sure to have cinnamon rolls fresh out of the oven. 

As for Gabriel, work was difficult, to say the least. He learned very quickly that California was a very dry place and greenery wasn’t the easiest to find. Problem was, people knew him for his shots of flora and fauna, which he now lacked. He would come home from another day of nothing to a hug and bad jokes that made him laugh so hard that all his worries melted away. 

Of course, they had their days. The ones where nothing went right no matter what. They’d have arguments over stupid things, but they’d always end up in the same bed at night. Sam would never make him sleep on the couch, and the same thing went for Gabriel. Something about being cradled in someone else’s arms at night made you forget a petty spat. 

Then, there were the normal college school days. He opened his eyes to a clock that told him Sam should already be in class. 

“Shit, Sam, get up!” Gabriel nudged him hard, poking him in the ribs when he groaned and turned around. “The alarm didn’t go off, you’re late!”

That happened more often than either of them cared to admit, and both he and Sam were practically masters at getting ready in a flash once they heard those dreaded words. Sam showed off those skills right then, launching himself at the closet and throwing on the first shirt and pants he could grab.

In his fuzzy and half-asleep mind, Gabriel noted just how cute Sam looked like this and quietly reached for his camera. He mentally thanked whoever was watching over him for the case already being open. Gabriel snapped picture after picture of a panicked Sam as discreetly as possible. Not discreetly enough. 

“Wh-” Sam turned and glared at him. “Really? Now?”

“What? You look like a distressed puppy!”

“I do  _ not _ . Give me that!” Sam leaped over a laundry basket onto the bed, trying to wrench the camera from his iron grip.

“Winchester, you can pry this camera from my cold, dead hands.”

“Don’t you tempt me.”

They wrestled each other for it, Gabriel trying to strangle Sam with his own shirt at one point. Unfortunately, as soon as he got out of it, Sam threw the shirt at him to temporarily blind Gabriel and pin him down.

In a last ditch effort, Gabriel wrapped his legs around Sam and put all his weight into flipping them over. He felt triumphant for about one second until he realized the position he’d put them in.

Gabriel was left straddling a very surprised and confused Sam. To be fair, he was just as surprised and confused. Still clutching his thankfully unharmed camera, he laughed nervously. “Well damn, Sammy. I knew you liked me, but I didn’t think it was  _ this  _ much!”

The blank stare he received in return made his heart stop, and he was suddenly very certain that he’d royally fucked up. Before he could pass out, a grin spread across Sam’s face and his heart restarted. 

“Last I checked, you’re the one on top of me.”

“Hey, you started it.”

“Did not, you took the camera out!”

Before Sam could say another word, Gabriel poked him in the ribs, snorting when Sam yelped. 

“Gabriel stop stop stop! You know I’m ticklish please-” Most of what Sam said right then was cut off. Gabriel put the camera strap around his neck and went right in, tickling Sam with everything that he had. 

Sam writhed on the bed, kicking and laughing and smiling. Gabriel wasn’t too far behind, enjoying it probably way too much. When Sam’s voice gave out and all he heard was frantic wheezes, Gabriel finally ceased his torture. Looking down at Sam’s face made his breath hitch, a wave of  _ god what am i feeling why am i feeling  _ washing over him. Without hesitation, he snapped one single photo before leaning over to put the camera away for good. Not because Sam made him, but because he wanted to enjoy this moment in person, not behind a lens. 

“Do you really need to go to class?” Gabriel asked. It had been long enough that he probably should have gotten off of Sam, but he didn’t budge. If Sam wasn’t complaining, then why should he?

“Y’know what?” Sam said, voice rough and wheezy from laughing. “I really don’t. I can stand to miss one day. I can say I almost died due to tickle-itis.”

Quietly, Sam pulled Gabriel down until he was lying down on his chest. Gabriel could hear his heartbeat. Using one foot, Sam somehow yanked the covers up onto them, shielding them from the cold. He hadn’t even noticed the lack of feeling in his fingers and toes until now.

The cold made him acutely aware of the warmth under the covers, entirely because of Sam’s lack of a shirt. Gabriel vaguely remembered taking his own shirt off in his sleep, Sam’s heat being a little too much for him. Now, they were pressed together and the warmth enveloped him like love. This wasn’t the first time this had happened, but it felt different this time. 

“Hey,” Sam’s voice was soft as he carded gentle fingers through Gabriel’s hair. “Is this okay?”

_ Don’t say a word or it’ll disappear, it’ll disappear and this will just be a dream _

Gabriel nodded, the rhythm of Sam’s heart already lulling him back to sleep. 

“Alright,” Gabriel felt Sam press his lips together, could imagine the furrow in his brow. What was he thinking? A deep breath released, Sam’s breathing regulated and somehow matched his. 

They fell asleep like that, breathing in unison, hearts beating together.

They woke up like that, too. He cracked one eye open to find soft, sleepy ocean eyes blinking in the golden hour. Sam seemed to take less time than Gabriel did to fully wake up, and he wondered if Sam had been looking at him. 

That train of thought was quickly derailed by his stomach complaining loudly. Sam looked down at his stomach and laughed.

“Sounds like we missed too many meals today, huh?”

Gabriel laughed, albeit anxiously. He wrapped his arms around his stomach, hoping that Sam would think he was just cold. Now that he was almost fully awake, he was all too aware of the fact that his pudge was out for everyone to see. Even worse, it was pressed up against Sam.

“Hey, what’s wrong?” Sam’s face went from happy to concerned in the blink of an eye. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah, just regaining consciousness,” He felt around for something to cover himself up with. “Is my shirt over there?”

Gabriel could practically see the gears turning in Sam’s head. Even worse, he could  _ see _ the moment he realized what was going on.

“How come?”

“Dunno,” He was making it so obvious, and he knew that. But really, he just couldn’t bring himself to look Sam in the eye. “I just do. Kinda cold, I guess.”

He cursed himself for flinching when Sam handed him a shirt. It wasn’t his, it was Sam’s favorite flannel. Making sure to keep staring at the flannel and only the flannel, he took it and somehow managed to get it on without completely separating himself from Sam.

“Thank you.”

“Can I touch you right now?” Sam asked. His voice was soft, so soft. Burying his face in Sam’s chest, he nodded. “You’re perfect, you know that?”

Gabriel snorted and tried his best to will the tears in his eyes away. “Thanks, kiddo.”

“I mean that,” Nimble fingers played with his hair, making some of the tension seep out of him. “I know you’ve never liked your body, but you’re still perfect.”

Sam’s hands went down to move Gabriel’s arms from around his own stomach. He resisted, but eventually just let go. After all, how could he resist Sam?

“You’re just biased.”

“No, I just have eyes,” Sam took Gabriel’s freezing hands in his own and brought them up to his lips, blowing out hot air to warm them up. “You’re the one that’s biased.”

“Know what, Sam? Maybe I am the biased one. All I know is that one day I’m going to run into my soulmate and they might look down at me and think ‘who the fuck is this short, pudgy loudmouth?’” Gabriel said, pretending his voice didn’t crack. “You know that possibility is there.”

“Yeah, but mine could take one look at me and run for the hills too,” Sam pushed himself away enough to look him dead in the eye. “That doesn’t make you not perfect.”

“Sam, there isn’t a single soul on planet earth that’s going to tell me that seriously and mean it,” Gabriel was holding back tears at that point, willing them not to fall. He knew he’d failed when Sam brought his hand up to swipe one away for him. “You don’t have to lie to me.”

“I don’t like lying to people, so why would I lie to you about this?”

“Because you have to! You wouldn’t want to make me feel bad, so you just would!”

“I’m not lying when I say you’re beautiful.”

_ Beautiful _

There were so many words he’d been described with before, but beautiful wasn’t one of them. That word was reserved for anything, everything else. Beautiful was for the sunset, the sunrise, the colors that brought light to the world. It was for the ripples in a turquoise pond, for shimmering scales on the fish darting around in the water. The word meant a smile that reached kaleidoscope eyes and warmed him head to toe. But not him. It didn’t mean him.

“What?”

“You’re beautiful.”

There were so many words he wanted to describe Sam with, and beautiful was one of them. But he couldn’t seem to think of any. His mind was so stuck on capturing this moment, using his eyes as a camera. Gabriel blinked and took a picture of Sam looking soft as ever. 

“You are too.”

Sam just buried his face in Gabriel’s hair, and Gabriel was completely sure he didn’t feel him plant a kiss on the top of his head. He was one hundred percent sure.

They ended up ignoring their growling stomachs for a good while afterwards, it was far too cold to get out from under the covers anyway. He wasn’t sure how, but they were both able to fall back asleep all the way until Sam’s alarm went off the next morning. That time, neither of them slept through it. 

It was only when he was going back through the photos he’d taken of Sam frantically getting ready that it dawned on him.

“Holy shit,” He whispered, examining each of them closely. “Holy shit! Sam, get over here!”

When he was met with silence, he groaned at remembering that Sam had classes that day. Making a split-second decision, he strapped his camera to his chest like one would a small child and marched out to the garage. 

The car may have been in the shop, but the power of sheer determination made him pump up the flat tires of his old bike and hop on it, pedaling like there was no tomorrow. His calves burned and the rickety bike felt like it would fall apart at any moment, squeaking the whole way there. Gabriel tried not to think about how many miles away the school was. 

Halfway there, a car slowed and pulled over to the shoulder next to the bike lane. His tunnel vision was ready to ignore it until the window rolled down and a familiar voice called out to him.

“Gabriel, what the  _ hell _ are you doing?”

Putting on the brakes as hard as he did ended up not being a great idea, as the rusty old bike proceeded to fall apart with him still on it. Yelping, he tumbled to the ground and landed on his back with a pained  _ oof!  _

Somewhere in the back of his mind, he could imagine Sam calling him an idiot for not wearing a helmet. It took him a second to realize that actually, that really was Sam scooping him up in his arms and calling him an idiot. 

“...briel. Gabriel, look at me,” Blinking hard, Gabriel shook his head like he was trying to shake off the dizziness. He took a second to wonder how and when he got into the car. “Hey, there you are. Can you tell me what school I go to?”

“Duh. You’re a genius and go to Stanford.”

“Okay, what’s your favorite teacher’s name?”

“I finished school like two years ago, dumbass.”

“Alright, you’re fine,” Sam rolled his eyes and put his own seat belt on. “You’re not allowed to nap when you get home.”

“Sounds good,  _ mom _ .”

“Dude, you just ate shit and almost got stabbed by pieces of a rusty bike. Let me be a little worried about you.”

“...Thanks for saving my ass, Sammy.”

Starting up the car, he threw Gabriel a sideways glance. He suddenly felt like a huge asshole, seeing all the worry in those eyes. “What were you even doing out here? And don’t say you were just going on a bike ride, you literally have a camera strapped to your chest.”

“I finally figured it out and I wanted to show you before anyone else.”

“Wait, figured what out?” Sam asked, taking a moment to flip off some asshole that cut in front of him. “Learn to use your blinker, dick!”

“I figured out my inspiration. I’ve got it back, Sammy! I figured it out!”

“Really? No way, it’s been forever!” Sam smiled and seemed to forget about assholes in traffic for a little while. “What happened?”

“You happened.”

“ _ I  _ happened? What the hell did I do?”

“The other day, when you were getting ready and I took pictures of you?”

“Yeah, when I was putting on mismatched socks and a shirt I pulled from the hamper?”

“Yep!”

“I’m going to need you to explain that a little bit. How does that inspire you?”

“Candids, Sam, can- fuck, look out!” He grabbed the steering wheel and moved them out of the way of a tire on the road, trying to ignore Sam’s surprised yelp. “I like to photograph life. I haven’t found much of that over here. At least, none that actually gets my attention.”

“Grab the steering wheel again and I’ll kill you myself.”

“ _ Anyway, _ ” Yeah, Gabriel was definitely ignoring Sam’s annoyance. “What’s more lifelike than life itself? People doing their own things, not posing or doing anything monumental. It doesn’t have to be something big to be something beautiful.”

The gods were smiling upon them that day, because they somehow managed to get a parking spot right by their apartment. Sam helped him to the door, listening to him chatter endlessly. He knew that Sam was listening. He always listened to Gabriel.

“I don’t care if you’re done locking the door, you’re big and strong and can protect us if some dumbass breaks in. Come on, I want to show you the pictures!”

Gabriel knew full well that anyone else would think he was being ridiculous, but Sam didn’t. He followed Gabriel happily, scolding him for running when he was  _ obviously _ limping and might have a concussion. When he got to the studio, he was fine with Gabriel basically throwing him into the rolling chair and hopping into Sam’s lap with his camera in hand.

“Oh god, I look terrible,” Sam wrinkled his nose at the sight of himself tangled up in a mess of socks and shirts. “This is what brought your inspiration back?”

“You’re what gave me my inspiration in the first place, genius.”

“Like hell I did.”

It had never occurred to him that he hadn’t shown Sam the first real picture he’d ever taken. The picture of a sweet dandelion wish in the middle of winter still took his breath away, and he was the only one who’d ever seen it. 

“Whatever you say, kiddo. Hey, I could go for some cinnamon buns right now, wanna help me make them?”

“Not right now, you need to be resting.”

“Seriously? But they’re your faaaavorite!” Throwing his arms around Sam, he smushed their cheeks together. “I’ll make extra icing just for you, promise.”

Sam was a strong man, but he could never resist making cinnamon buns with him. Sighing deeply, Gabriel could feel the moment the fight went out of him and mentally cheered. “Fine. But you sit your ass down and rest right afterwards, understand?”

“Hell yeah! Let’s go, I’m hungry!”

They spent their time in the kitchen, flicking flour and cinnamon at each other until they were a mess. There was a flour induced butt print left on the dining room table from when they sat and talked while the dough chilled.

“I should autograph my ass, huh?”

“Definitely. I have a sharpie around here somewhere, let me find it.”

Soon after, Sam’s phone background was changed to a flour butt imprint autographed by Gabriel in shiny gold marker. 

“Wait, this is sharpie.”

“Yeah, why?”

“This is permanent marker and I just wrote on the table.”

They both sat and stared at the table, not sure how to fix the problem. 

“Sam, come over here so I can slap your ass.”

“Can you run that by me one more time? I think I misheard you.”

“Trust me and come here.”

“You say that like I trust you.”

“Just do it!”

Grabbing a handful of flour, Gabriel smacked Sam’s ass with it until he was fully satisfied with the amount of flour on his butt. Turning back to him, Sam glared at him like he kinda wanted to kill him. 

“I hope you have a good reason for that.”

“I do, I swear,” Running back over, he patted the space on the table next to his own butt print. “We’re going to match.”

Eyes lighting up, Sam hopped up on the table, careful not to disturb Gabriel’s print. They followed procedure and talked while the dough continued chilling. The timer for the dough went off and Gabriel helped Sam get up so, so slowly. 

“Oh my god,” Sam stared in wonder. “My ass is beautiful. Hand me that sharpie.”

Snorting, he passed Sam the silver one and looked on gleefully as yet another ass was signed on their table. “Told you to trust me.”

“Whatever,” Ruffling his hair, Sam ran over to get the cinnamon buns out of the refrigerator and into the oven. “I thought you said you were hungry for these? Hurry up!”

“Hey, leave me alone. I’m crippled, you can’t blame me for limping around.”

The change was immediate, Sam’s brow furrowing and worry lines showing. “You need to sit down, I can do the rest.”

“It was a joke, dummy,” Gabriel plucked the baking sheet out of his hands and slid it into the preheated oven like a pro. “I’m fine, pinky promise.”

“You’re not even sticking your pinky out to make the promise.”

“Fine,” Rolling his eyes, he closed the oven door with one hand and offered Sam his pinky with the other. “Pinky promise. Happy now?”

Sam just smiled at him and tossed a handful of flour at his face. “You owe me extra icing, by the way.”

“If my leg wasn’t like this, I’d kick your flour-coated ass.”

__________

It was just another day in their office, Sam working through a ridiculously big pile of papers, Gabriel working on editing a ridiculously big amount of pictures. They always worked better together, even if they were just in the same room together. 

“Hey, Gabriel?”

“Hm?” Sam took precedence over anything he was doing. That’s how it always was, and how it always would be. “What’s up?”

“I get off work early tomorrow and I mean, I was kind of wondering if you wanted to go get lunch at this new cafe over by your studio?” 

“Aw, Sammy,” Gabriel smirked and playfully threw a pencil back at him. “Are you asking me out on a date?”

“Uh.”

The air in the room seemed to freeze, and Gabriel could barely keep himself from panicking. What had he said wrong? They always joked about things like this, why would it make things awkward now?

“I know you asked me about this a little while ago and I couldn’t answer, but uh,” Sam hesitantly broke the silence, and Gabriel could hear him cracking his knuckles. “Do you know who your soulmate is?”

His heart dropped into his stomach. He wasn’t ready for this. In fact, he thought he’d never be ready for this. “Yeah, I do.”

“Who…uh, who do you think it is?” 

Gabriel’s chair squeaked as he spun to look at Sam. He’d spent years in love with him, years that had brought him both happiness and pain, and they’d been worth all of it. There were few things in his life that he would change if he could, but every moment with Sam was something he would cherish, whether it was good or bad. 

That was why, in this moment, he had absolutely no idea how to respond. In all his years, he never expected to actually have to acknowledge this. Gabriel had always assumed Sam would find someone better than he was, but fate didn’t quite work like that, did it? That was why, in this moment, he could only smile and hope. He could only hope he wasn’t wrong.

“You already know who my soulmate is, Sam.”

Sam’s eyes never left him, they seemed to pierce straight to the very core of his being, taking him apart and examining everything he was. He let out a breath, a smile like sunshine on his face. “I know who mine is too.”

There was no mind blowing revelation for them. The entire world didn’t scream out with joy, the sky didn’t create heart shaped clouds for them. Birds didn’t sing, it was too late at night. They both knew, and so did the whole universe. Their color-filled lives knew, and had known for as long as either of them could remember. 

Gabriel did wheel his chair all the way across the room, throwing himself into Sam’s arms. He still smelled like pine and goddammit had he stolen some of his shampoo? Snorting, all he could do was crawl into Sam’s lap and lay his head on his heart, listening to it beat. Gabriel made sure he was real, and that he really and truly was alive. 

“Hey, I was about to go over there to pick you up!”

“Too late, that’s why I wanted the rolling chair.”

“I’m alright with this too,” Sam wrapped his arms around him, and Gabriel thought that he’d never been as safe as he was at that very moment. 

“So, what time are we going on our first date?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next two chapters will be the endings!
> 
> I hope you guys enjoyed it! Please comment feedback, it helps keep me motivated and helps me know what you guys do and don't like!
> 
> Follow me on Instagram at @archangelica_angelica or on tumblr at innersanctuaries if you want to get in touch or just to watch me shitpost!


	3. Color Wheel (Good End)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “But Saaaaam,” Gabriel whined, tugging on Sam’s dress shirt. “Can’t you stay home today?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright, so here we are with the first ending! I hope y'all like this one as much as I did.

“But Saaaaam,” Gabriel whined, tugging on Sam’s dress shirt. “Can’t you stay home today?”

Sighing, Sam went to tuck his shirt in for the seventh time, playfully pinching Gabriel’s arm. Gabriel yelped and glared back at him, getting a shit-eating grin in return. “We said we were going on a date at the cafe today, right?”

“...Yeah?”

“So we can meet there right after work, I swear!”

“But I don’t feel good today, and I don’t want to be alone,” Gabriel pouted.

Sam knew Gabriel well enough to tell the difference between fake sick and, well, _sick_ sick. The lack of dramatics paired with the truly exhausted look on his face, Sam couldn’t help but to cave.

“Fine,” Sam’s heart filled to the brim at the warm smile that got him. “But you have to help me make pancakes!”

“Only if we can add blueberries!” Gabriel had already hopped out of bed, and proceeded to drop like a rock.

“Gabriel?” Sam rolled his eyes, walking over to his dramatic ass. “Get up or no pancakes.”

All he got in response was a pained cry, and that was all it took for him to throw himself out of bed at him. Gabriel lay on the floor, face contorted in pain as he clutched at his chest. “Gabriel?! Holy shit, I’m calling 911.” 

Grabbing his phone, Sam frantically punched in the number and waited for them to pick up. Each ring of the phone felt like an eternity while he laid Gabriel’s head in his lap, threading his fingers through his hair in a desperate attempt to give some semblance of comfort. 

“Hello? Yes, my name is Sam Winchester and my fr- I think my soulmate is having a heart attack, please come quickly,” Gabriel lifted one hand to Sam’s face, brow furrowed. “Please!”

“Sam,” God, Gabriel sounded terrible. Sam’s name was a pitiful cry on his lips. “I love you.”

Gabriel’s eyes closed, and Sam’s world went grey. 

__________

Sam had never been more thankful to good ol’ Ben Franklin for discovering electricity. Without it, the defibrillator that brought Gabriel back never would have existed, and his world would still be a grey hell. 

Sitting in the hospital waiting room had always been his least favorite thing in the world. He fucking hated hospitals, and he hated them even more when he was waiting to hear whether or not those he loved were still alive. Though, he supposed that in this case he’d know before anyone told him. 

His vision was still spotty, going bright at some moments, then almost completely fading at others. It had caused him so much panic that the doctors had kicked him out of Gabriel’s room, claiming that Sam would upset him. That didn’t make much sense to him, how would he upset him when he was down for the count?

Either way, he was sitting in the waiting room and panicking. 

_I love you._

He loved Gabriel too, god damn it all. Sam knew that he was going to pull through, because he didn’t know what he’d do without his soulmate. He didn’t know what he would do if he never got to say it back. 

“Sam Winchester?”

Head snapping up, Sam jumped to his feet faster than he ever had before. “That’s me, yeah?”

“Your friend is awake and asking for you,” The doctor was pretty, name tag reading ‘Amelia’. Her smile was warm, and god, he was so ready to hug her right now. “He’s stable, but we need to keep him here a few days.”

All he had to hear was _‘awake and asking for you’_ before he was pushing past her and running down the hallway to Gabriel’s room. Sam nearly ran past it, shoes skidding on the sterile white tile. “I love you too.”

Gabriel looked absolutely terrible, but the shock on his face was palpable. “What?”

“I love you too, you fucking moron,” It was taking him a second to catch his breath, so it came out as more of a wheeze than a confession of his undying love, but Gabriel grinned nonetheless.

“You heard that?”

“No kidding. It’s hard not to hear you when you’re _dying_.”

“Aw, Sammy,” Gabriel drawled. “You were hanging onto my every word!”

“I’ll kill you,” Stepping over to Gabriel’s bed, Sam plopped down and threw his arm around him. “I do love you, though.”

“Yeah,” Nothing could ever compare to the feeling of Gabriel nuzzling into Sam’s chest. “I love you too.”

“I’m so glad I stayed home. I don’t know what I would have done if I would have lost you.”

“Probably just died, I’m too awesome to live without!”

“Seriously, Gabriel,” Pressing a kiss to the top of his head, Sam held him a little tighter. “I’m so happy I didn’t lose you.”

“I know I already said it, but I really do love you too.”

They lay there in silence, to the point where Sam was convinced that Gabriel was asleep. About five minutes in, Gabriel piped up. “So, what’s a guy gotta do to get some pudding around here?”

__________

“You’re very lucky that you got out in time for the gallery or I would have killed you myself.”

“Crowley, I literally had a heart attack,” Gabriel squawked, batting Sam’s hand away. His tie was crooked. “How the hell was I supposed to stop that?!”

“Consider not eating enough confections to destroy a forest of sugarcane?” Crowley snarked back, whipping out a flask and taking a swig. 

“Consider not being tipsy or drunk for the gallery you’re making money off of?” Snatching the flask from his hand, Sam dumped the alcohol into a nearby planter. Silently, he apologized to the poor flowers he’d just gotten drunk. 

“Fuck you, Moose.”

“Nah, that’s my job,” Nudging Sam and throwing him an exaggerated wink, Gabriel linked arms with him and began skipping towards the gallery he’d worked so hard to have. “Let’s go!”

Walking through the front door to the gallery, _“A Lover’s Spectrum”,_ Sam thought to himself that he wasn’t sure what he’d expected, but it sure as hell wasn’t something as beautiful as this. 

Masterfully taken photos of the most precious moments with the one you love covered the walls. A couple walking down the snow-covered sidewalk, caught mid-laugh with pinkies linked together. Three people sharing a milkshake, twirling their fingers in each other’s hair, rosy cheeks and sparkling eyes whispering love. Teens falling while playing hopscotch, staring into each other’s eyes in shock. The moment of color, captured on camera.

The meaning was clear, though he knew not everyone would see it. Gabriel meant to show what love looked like, how it showed itself in the smallest ways. It was in the color of it all, the sheer vibrance of feeling, the foreverness of it. It felt like eternities, hundreds of tiny alwayses captured on a camera and hung on a wall. 

Sam had no words, and Gabriel seemed to respect that, taking his silence and awe as compliment enough. Evidently, he respected it only to a point, because he seemed to be lingering too long for his excited soulmate. 

“Hurry up, Sam! There’s one in the back you _have_ to see!

His curiosity piqued, Sam laughed and let himself be dragged to the back wall, completely empty except for one single photo. It was simple, with the title larger than those on other pictures, and it stopped him dead in his tracks. 

It was a shot of the perfect moment, Sam’s eyes closed and the golden sun lighting on his rosy cheeks. He blew on a dandelion, the fluffy white seeds floating off to wherever the wind wanted them to go. The photo had been taken with love on the mind. Sam could still remember exactly what he’d been wishing for that day. 

_I want more time with you, I wish for an eternity with you._

The title of the piece was simple, just two words that still somehow managed to bring him to tears.

_For Sam_

If he hadn’t already confessed to Sam, he sure as shit would have known Gabriel was in love with him the second he laid eyes on this. “Holy shit, Gabe.”

“Do...do you like it?” Gabriel asked, fiddling with his cufflinks.

Instead of responding, he threaded their fingers together and pulled him in for the sweetest of kisses, trying to convey everything he couldn’t figure out how to say. “Yeah, Gabriel. I love it.”

“I wonder who Sam is,” They were interrupted by a mousey looking girl that had sidled up next to them, studying the photo and title. “Don’t you?”

“Sam’s actually his soulmate,” Gabriel gushed.

“Oh, that’s so romantic!” She cooed, the voice of a starry-eyed dreamer still searching for the one that would gift them with every color possible and impossible. “Have you met yours?

“I have,” Sam said proudly, squeezing Gabriel’s hand. “He’s beautiful.”

“I lost my program, could you describe the colors in it to me?”

Sam threw Gabriel a grin, his voice happier than ever when he spoke.

“It’s gold. It’s love.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry that this one is shorter than the other chapters! Keep in mind that this ending was basically not even supposed to exist, it was my own weepy ass that decided at the last minute to give them at least one happy ending. 
> 
> I hope you guys enjoyed it! Please comment feedback, it helps keep me motivated and helps me know what you guys do and don't like!
> 
> Follow me on Instagram at @archangelica_angelica or on tumblr at innersanctuaries if you want to get in touch or just to watch me shitpost!


	4. B&W (End)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam was in an airplane to Kansas, knowing full well that he wouldn’t be able to drive like this.

Sam was putting some papers away when the color drained from his world. His eyebrows knitted together, because hadn’t that pie chart been printed on pink paper? He considered that maybe someone was playing a prank on him, switching his papers, but where in the hell did the color in his hands go? 

If he still had it, the color would have drained from his face.

“No,” A whisper, a prayer. “Please.”

“Hey, Sam!” Charlie balked when she saw him. Her hair was grey. She was grey. “Whoa, are you okay?”

In his pocket, his phone buzzed. He’d never answered it as quickly as he did right then. “Gabriel? Are you okay? Something’s wrong, my colors, they-”

“Is this Sam Winchester?” He didn’t know this voice. That wasn’t Gabriel.

“That’s me.”

“We have some unfortunate news.”

His ears stopped working right then. He couldn’t find any words, they didn’t make themselves either. Charlie took the phone from him so carefully, and she was talking, but he couldn’t hear it. Falling, falling, her voice was nothing but background noise as his vision went black.

_ Better black than grey. _

The last thing he thought of before he hit the ground was familiar golden eyes and a shining smile.

__________

__ **_“It was a heart attack. There was no way you could have known, sir.”_ **

__ Sam was in an airplane to Kansas, knowing full well that he wouldn’t be able to drive like this. 

_ “You drive stupid when you’re upset. Get in the passenger seat, you big idiot.”  _

__ It was freezing in the plane, even for him. Sam shivered and turned down the flight attendant’s offer of a blanket. He didn’t want a black blanket, not knowing whether or not it was that same blue they gave him last time he had to fly back home.

_ “I’m sorry about Jess, Sammy.” _

The pilot announced that they’d be landing soon, and he wondered how he’d make it to the house. He still hadn’t told anyone. He still couldn’t even tell himself. Sam hadn’t spoken much in the past week. 

**_“My apologies about your soulmate, Mr. Winchester.”_ **

He’d decided that there was really no way he’d be ever get used to the lack of color in his world. Sam hadn’t known what he had until it was gone. He knew that applied to too many things in this situation.

People were rude as ever, pushing and shoving their way out of the plane. He was more than happy to be the last one on board. Lately, moving was almost a chore. Every step felt like he was being pulled away, away, away from everything. What everything was, he didn’t know anymore. All he knew is that he was being pulled away from it, and he could almost say it hurt.

His suitcase was tiny. There was almost nothing in it, just a few clothes to tide him over for a week or so. He hadn’t bothered with a backpack, he could fit nearly everything in his pockets. Somehow he managed a smile at the stewardess on his way out. Sam tried not to notice how worried she looked at the sight of him. 

Sam knew he was running away, but that was what he did, wasn’t it? Running away from the bed that smelled like him, from the pictures in the studio, even from the ridiculous resin-covered butt prints on the table. He ran from what he thought had been home. It had taken him too long to realize that for him, home was a person.

_ Too little, too late. _

Airports were terrible, but at least there were taxis. It looked weird, a taxi making its way from Topeka down to nowhere. He hid in the backseat, feeling the whole town’s eyes trained on the car. Even after all these years, he could have made his way back home with his eyes closed. 

The cab driver called after him, saying that he’d paid him too much, a hundred is too much. Sam ignored it, thanking him and kept going without another word. 

He didn’t bother knocking on the door, opting to pick the lock the way Someone had taught him. An important Someone, a Someone whose name he couldn’t even think right now. He didn’t finish unlocking before it swung open, and suddenly there was a gun pressed to the top of his head. For a moment, Sam wondered if he should attack so it would go off.

“Who the hell are you?” 

Sam knew Dean’s voice. He recognized the shoes in front of him now. They were the kind Dad wore, but he knew that Dean’s were lighter. He could barely tell the difference now. “Just me, Dean.” 

“Sammy?” The gun disappeared before he could even blink. “Holy shit, I could’ve killed you. Why don’t you just knock like a normal person?”

“I didn’t really want to run into anyone,” Dean snorted, helping Sam to his feet. “I’m not feeling so great.”

“Let me get this straight,” Snatching Sam’s suitcase up, Dean gave him a sideways look.”You came back to Mom and Dad’s house and expect neither of them to be there?”

“Can I just come in?” The topics were getting all mixed up, and he knew it’d go towards things he couldn’t talk about now, not right now. “I’m cold.”

Dean was silent for once as he really stared at Sam. The concern in his eyes only served to make him feel heavier. “Sure, Sammy. Let’s get your shit up to your room, yeah?”

“No,” Pain lanced through him at the idea of being in such a familiar place, one without color. “Can I use the guest room if nobody’s there?” 

“Are you alright?” Dean asked, putting a hand on his shoulder, worry dripping off of it and onto him. “You’re acting weird as hell.”

“Yeah, I guess I am.” 

Taking his suitcase from Dean, he walked past the threshold and immediately regretted ever having come back. The house was blank, colorless. Everything he loved, all the warm shades of orange and brown and green Mom favored were gone. Ironic how she’d always told him to stop complaining about how ugly the colors were, and now he finally shut up. There was nothing left to complain about.

“What’s ironic?”

“What?” He turned to look at Dean, who just leaned on the stair railing and watched him like he was a crazy person. “Did I say that out loud?”

“Sure did.”

Sam decided to shut up and just go to his temporary room. Mom had told him all about how they’d repainted it and how excited she was for him to see it the next time he and an important person visited. Walking in and taking in the view, he had no idea what the color scheme was. 

“Like it?”

“I love it. They worked so hard on it, didn’t they?”

“They did. I’m glad you like it,” Dean squinted at him, and Sam couldn’t help but notice how much he looked like Castiel right then. It brought a smile to his face. “Guess I’ll leave you for a while now. I’ll come get you when Mom gets home.”

The only response he could give was a half-hearted nod. She’d ask. He’d have to say it for the first time in a week. He nodded all the way until the door closed, until he sat on the edge of the bed and wished wished wished so hard that he could see. He nodded until the tears in his eyes went away. It took a while.

__ Despite the lack of colors, there were still all the familiar scents he could so easily get used to again. He held his breath as long as he could, because even smells carried memories. 

Sam woke up to a knock and an opening door. With two shaves and a haircut, Mary slid into the room with the widest grin he’d seen in exactly a week. Before he could say a word, she ran over and hugged him tighter than he’d been hugged in exactly a week. 

“I’ve missed you so much! You haven’t visited us in so long!” She let go of him to muss up his hair and beam up at him. “Where have you been? Too busy doing fancy lawyerly stuff?”

Nodding, he looked up at her and tried not to want to break things when her eyes weren’t the bright blue they were supposed to be. It didn’t entirely work. Mary furrowed her brows, examining him closely. Sam knew what he looked like, and if he were in anyone else’s shoes, he’d be worried about Sam Winchester too. But he was stuck in his own shoes, so he just couldn’t bring himself to care. So he sat and waited for her to ask.

“Honey, are you okay?” Her hand was gentle on his shoulder, it was the only warmth he could feel. “Where’s Gabriel? I’ll go find him, I’m sure he’ll help out.”

As she stood, he caught her wrist in his hand.

“Gabriel died,” Sam whispered. A tear dripped down onto his hand, one he hadn’t noticed he’d shed.

A shocked silence fell upon the room, one that soon turned into one single choked sob sprouting from his mother’s lips.

“He…” Mary’s lip trembled, her eyes wet and horrified. “But I just talked to him last week. He was fine, what happened?”

“It was a heart attack.”

“What was a heart attack?”

His head whipped up to the source of the gravelly voice, blood draining from his face when he met Castiel’s eyes. 

“Cas.”

“Hello Sam, we’ve missed you,” The worry on his face was obvious, but the lack of blue in his piercing eyes was unsettling and only served to draw a broken noise from him. “Are you alright?”

“You don’t know,” Sam’s mind was going into overdrive. He couldn’t believe that the Novaks would be so fucking terrible, not to the point of not telling Castiel of Gabriel’s death. “Oh my god, you don’t know.”

“What do I not know? If there’s something I need to know, please tell me.”

“Gabriel is dead, he had a heart attack last Tuesday,” Images came to his mind, too many of his soulmate’s lifeless eyes, grey and sightless. “The police told your parents.  _ I _ told your parents.”

It was quiet in the room when Sam saw his friend break, saw Castiel simply fold in on himself.

“We have a history of heart disease in the family. At least, on his mother’s side of the family,” Cas’ voice was rougher than usual, and he wouldn’t look up at either people in the room. “That explains why father mentioned that to me last week.”

“Cas…”

“I’ll be helping Dean with the cooking. He’s making pie.”

“Cas.” Sam caught him by the sleeve, trying to get his attention. “I’m so sorry.”

“I hope you know that Gabriel loved you,” There was hopelessness and a tinge of anger in his words, something Sam felt loud and clear. “He always loved you. Gabriel would have wanted you to know that.”

Castiel turned and walked out of the room, looking much smaller than he ever had before.

“Why did you never tell me?” Sam asked Mary, voice breaking.

“Tell you what?”

“That he was mine.”

“Oh, Sam,” Mary sighed, “I tried. You were both just so oblivious.”

“No you didn’t, mom. You never told me, you barely  _ implied _ it.”

“I thought it was something you had to figure out on your own, Sam,” Mary reached out to lay her hand on his, flinching when he jerked away. “How was I supposed to know this would happen?” 

“You could have said something,” Sam stood and stalked out of the room and headed towards the front door, knowing full well how unfair he was being. “It would have saved me a lot of heartbreak.”

“Where are you going? Sam?”

“I have to go talk to someone.”

On his way out, he made sure the door slammed behind him.

__________

  
  


“Chuck!” Sam’s hand hurt from pounding on the door so hard for so long, but he was a determined bastard. “Open the goddamn door!” 

Somewhere in the back of his mind, he registered the fact that there was blood smearing on the white door. Black tar stained pristine white paint, there was none of that familiar ugly red to decorate such a drab house. Grey knuckles split, grey blood flowed, his grey heart screamed. 

It only took a minute for the door to open, but it felt like eons. His fist barely stopped before breaking a ragged man’s nose. “What do you want, Dan?”

Fury pulsed through him, vision going red for a split second. “It’s Sam.” 

“Fine. What do you want, Sam?” 

Chuck’s hollow, sunken-in eyes seemed to stare straight through him. There was nothing there, no emotion and no humanity. They were empty, just as Gabriel’s coffin should have been. 

“Heart disease,” Voice a low growl, he took a step forward to stare down at Chuck, towering over him. “You never told us about it.”

“We didn’t think it was important,” It was a choked whisper, Chuck’s face contorting into tragedy itself. “We didn’t think he would die.”

“You didn’t tell Cas,” A large hand fisted in his shirt, lifting Chuck so he was level with Sam’s eyes. It took him a moment to realize it was his own, that he was so ready to crush this man. “It’s been a fucking week. You didn’t tell your own son that his brother died, you left it up to us.”

“Naomi told me she mentioned it to him,” His eyes were almost comically wide, Sam had seen dinner plates smaller than them. “I swear, I thought he knew!”

“Do you know how broken he looked? Gabriel was the one that helped us raise him, he was the only one out of all your family that didn’t treat him like a bastard child,” Tears were rolling down his cheeks, he could feel them. Images of a golden-haired child playfully feeding Cas at the table popped into his head, the fleeting warmth of that moment caressing his broken heart for less than a second. “And you didn’t even bother to tell him about his death.”

“I’m sorry,” Chuck whispered. This pathetic man had no right to cry, Sam thought. None at all. “I didn’t want this.”

“Sorry isn’t good enough,” Dropping Chuck, he took a shuddering breath and a step back. “Sorry won’t bring him back.”

Sam turned his back and walked away. There was nothing left to say.

__________

There was no point in staying in the guest room, not when Sam knew he’d only be thinking of their room all night. Skipping dinner, he went up the stairs two at a time. 

_ “Jesus, how fucking long are your legs?” _

__ Sam tried not to think about how empty the room was when he opened the door. Out of habit, he slipped off his shoes and placed them next to the bed that seemed so small to him now. The indents in the mattress made his throat close up, a reminder of peaceful nights spent tangled up in each other’s arms. 

“What do I do without you?” A whisper, sounding so loud in the silent room. 

Crawling under the covers, he winced and reached under him to find a book stabbing into his back. Sam pulled it out, their worn copy of The Cat In The Hat in hand. A stab of pain shot through him, the lack of any color on the cover only serving to break him more. Red and blue was just grey, a color he’d never get used to seeing. One he’d come to despise. 

Curling up next to Gabriel’s spot, he took note of the pile of stuffed animals his soulmate had always loved. Sam scooted over, laying where Gabriel would. As he drifted off with a book and a stuffed bear in his arms, he silently apologized for leaving tear stains on Gabriel’s pillow.

__________

  
  


He’d only remembered the gallery after several frantic calls from Gabriel’s agent, Crowley McLeod. Sam had never liked the man, a short and sarcastic little bastard. The whole drive to see him, he was preparing himself for the onslaught of condescending and sarcastic comments. Sam wasn’t quite sure how he would handle it without killing Crowley, but he swore to Gabriel that he’d make an effort.

It was quite a surprise when Crowley met him with a letter and cloudy expression. 

“Sam,” Not used to hearing his actual name out of Crowley’s mouth, Sam took a small, awkward step back and adjusted his shirt collar. Gabriel had picked out and dry cleaned this suit specifically for the gallery, he wasn’t about to admit that it had shrunk a bit.. “I’d just like to apologize for your loss.”

“Y-yeah. Thanks,” There was nothing else he could really think to say, nothing but a simple thank you. Thank you for acknowledging my loss. Thank you for recognizing that he’s gone. Thank you for saying anything at all. “Anyway, the gallery.”

“Yes. I’m assuming he didn’t tell you much about it?”

“Gabriel always said he wanted it to be a surprise.”

“He mentioned the same to me,” Sighing, Crowley pulled out a flask and took a swig before offering it to Sam. Turning it down was one of the most difficult things he’d ever done, but he had to be sober for this. “It was going to be a gift of sorts.”

“Gift?”

“The name of the gallery is ‘A Lover’s Spectrum’. It’s meant for you, Moose.”

Sighing, Sam tried not to show the tears welling up in his eyes. “Alright. Let’s go check it out.”

He regretted it the moment he stepped in. 

Masterfully taken photos of the most precious moments with the one you love covered the walls. A couple walking down the snow-covered sidewalk, caught mid-laugh with pinkies linked together. Three people sharing a milkshake, twirling their fingers in each other’s hair, rosy cheeks and sparkling eyes whispering love. Teens falling while playing hopscotch, staring into each other’s eyes in shock. The moment of color, captured on camera.

Sam knew this was all color, he had been handed a program when he walked in. It described everything so vividly, he just knew that Gabriel had been the one to write them. Around him, people oohed and ahhed, murmuring praises and discussing the meaning of each photo.

The meaning was clear, though he knew not everyone would see it. Gabriel meant to show what love looked like, how it showed itself in the smallest ways. He knew it was bright and colorful, and Sam knew he would never know what it really looked like. 

He made his way through the gallery slowly but surely. A lack of color didn’t mean he would rush, that the photos weren’t beautiful, that they weren’t  _ Gabriel.  _ There was nothing in this world that could make him rush through this.

There was talk of one picture in the back, one that everyone seemed to love. His curiosity piqued, Sam wandered over to the back wall, completely empty except for one single photo. It was simple, with the title larger than those on other pictures, and it stopped him dead in his tracks. 

It was a shot of the perfect moment, Sam’s eyes closed and the sun framing his profile. He blew on a fluffy dandelion, the seeds floating off to wherever the wind wanted them to go. The photo had been taken with love on the mind, and he knew exactly what he’d been wishing for that day. 

_ I want more time with you, I wish for an eternity with you. _

The title of the piece was simple, just two words that still somehow managed to knock the wind out of him.

_ For Sam _

“I wonder who Sam is,” A mousey looking girl had sidled up next to him, studying the photo and title. “Don’t you?”

“It was his soulmate,” His voice was a ragged whisper, barely audible.

“Oh, that’s so romantic!” She cooed, the voice of a starry-eyed dreamer still searching for the one that would gift them with every color possible and impossible. “Have you met yours?

“I have,” Sam managed to choke out. “He was beautiful.”

“I lost my program, could you describe the colors in it to me?”

Any other day, he’d call Gabriel over and listen to his enthusiastic explanation of all the golds and blues and perfect hues of everything. Today, though he instinctively turned to look for him, Gabriel wasn’t there. Sam shook his head quietly, his voice a ragged whisper when he spoke.

“It’s grey.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know I just posted this all in one go, but the fact that this is really the last chapter of this thing is actually lowkey emotional for me. I just wanted to tell y'all that I apologize for any emotional damages this causes and that if you haven't read the other ending yet, 10/10 would do that after this to heal some wounds.
> 
> The first half of this was written at a time where my mental health was more stable than it had ever been. I spent the past day tapping out the second half in a manic frenzy because I haven't been able to properly write since last September. It sounds really dumb, but I just want to thank all you guys for reading my stuff and for supporting me even when I don't post for almost a whole-ass year. You all encourage me just by reading, even if you don't think you do. So yeah, thank you.
> 
> I hope to be posting more regularly, but who knows! So for now, I hope you all enjoyed the hell out of this <3 
> 
> Follow me on Instagram at @archangelica_angelica or on tumblr at innersanctuaries if you want to get in touch or just to watch me shitpost!


End file.
